August 12

Current mood: thoughtful

Listening to Outkast - Speakerboxx/The Love Below

1. When you were born, I told Mom that you were my baby. I threw temper tantrums when I did not get to hold you or feed you when I wished. You were such a curious little baby. Always smiling and forever getting into mischief. You made my life so much more interesting when I talked about you in show & tell in Ms. Martin's First Grade class. I drew pictures of you and wrote stories about you. I would learn songs and immediately come home and sing them to you. You always wanted to be with me and vice versa.

2. When you were about 2 years old, the parents had a very large dresser and you would climb up on top of it. If a drawer was open, you would sleep in it. You had no concept of what danger meant. Most kids are attached to blankets or bottles, not you, you were attached to this flimsy plastic fish. You carried it every where, but mostly in your mouth with the tail sticking out. Mom was always worried that you would swallow it, but you refused to give it up.

3. We took our play very seriously. No tea parties for us. We played wrestling, circus, wild animals and other brutal games. We use to fight over climbing this one tree in the grandparents' yard. You always won because you would kick me and I could not get my feet up high enough to shove you out.

4. You tried to kill me a couple of times (by accident of course, right?). You tried to blungeon me with a baseball bat once when you were about 3 years old. You tried to drown me in our small pool when you were about 6 years old. You thought it was a great big game.

5. When I picture you as a child, I remember you always having a kool-aid mustache with your thumb in your mouth and watching cartoons so close to the tv that you could turn the channel with your toes.

6. Our parents rarely fought if ever. You had lots of friends, but none that you considered "best" friends. You were too smart for school and preferred to learn on your own. You were never a "normal" child in the sense of tv sitcoms, but you had a terrific imagination and loved art. You were a creator and a destroyer. You would spend all day making something crafty and then take 15 seconds to destroy it with a grin on your face. Teachers would say that you were immature for your age and you would laugh with that secretive grin on your face. You rarely let people know the real you. You always had this rage about you when you felt confined/trapped. I think we both thought Georgia was paradise while North Carolina was our own private hell.

7. You never felt a sense of belonging. Now that I think about this, I can't understand why. The kids in the neighborhood would flock around you. You were the leader, the instigator...you hated authority and would take blame even if you did not cause it. You never really lied as a child. I remember one time you lied, and that was to get me out of trouble for throwing a rock at you and blackening your eye.

8. You were such a free little spirit. You were always fighting against Dad. He was the ultimate authority figure and I really do believe that you hated him for it when you were younger. You hated the fact that the parents would wake you up around 4:30am so you all could commute to the hospital. You hated the routine and would rage against the preschool teacher for it.